The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
