Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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