Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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