worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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