Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
