What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
