My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
