I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
