I heard we made out
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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