it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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