Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
