dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i will never coherently bang her
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry my hands just texted you
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
