ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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