I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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