I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
