Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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