I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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