I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
