They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
