I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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