Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
