your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
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You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.