Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet

(330): View more from Ohio

I'll alert the authorities

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(256): View more from Alabama

My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.

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(817): View more from Texas

2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.

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29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Read it at the TFLN blog
(206): View more from Washington

I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.

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(360): View more from Washington

He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.

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(989): View more from Michigan

apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer

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(928): View more from Arizona

He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.

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(561): View more from Florida

Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀

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