so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
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you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.