i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.