Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face