someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀