So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
