too bad you live with your parents still
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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