Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize