I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
