apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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