is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
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the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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