He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
