you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
