I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
