maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
