I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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