I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
