Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
