I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
