Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
