a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
