It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
