he puts the penis in happiness.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
