hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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