I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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