was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
