the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
