I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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