there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
