I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
