fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize