i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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