Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
