My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize