If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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