Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
