On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
