census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
