just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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