just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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