I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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