Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Pooping to opera.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
