Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize