Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
