Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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