I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
