I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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