he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
