How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
