I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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