Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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