my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
