God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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