Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
