evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
