So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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